why are we acting like lovers? (we don't know each other)
by huntressed
Summary: Her insides were twisted and guilty. There was a part of her that wanted to cling to him too – but mostly, all she ever wanted to do is to figure out what the hell is going wrong between the two of them, and just go. LucasMaya.


Times like these, Maya Hart was left to ponder over what was actually going on in her very unclear relationship with Lucas Friar.

A label was very much present. She was his girlfriend, and he was her boyfriend. Everyone knew that, and everyone was very supportive of that. Even Riley who had once been head over heels in love with Lucas. Her best friend stepped back and allowed Maya to reach her "dreams", as Riley referred to it.

Now, it felt as though Lucas was just a reality she had to settle for, instead of a dream.

She didn't know how or when she started to lose track of their relationship. Maybe it was when Lucas started to look at Riley with a spark in his eyes, instead of Maya. Or maybe it was when she started to find better company with Joshua Matthews instead of her own boyfriend.

The blame didn't fall upon the Matthews. Maya knew better than to accuse Josh and Riley for being better anchors for Maya and Lucas. There's no one to blame but the twisted way life chose to play the two of them.

It was hard to let go of him, and she knew that he felt the same way too. So they held on to a thread, and a knife – both hoping that it could work somehow. She allowed him to touch her every day, thinking that maybe she would grow to love him the same way she thought she did.

He was looking at her from across the room, his eyes that once scanned the pages of his anatomy book were now focused on her. Maya pretended not to notice, for there was always, always an atmosphere of tension whenever something like this happens. But then Lucas cleared his throat, and Maya had no choice but to face him.

A sigh went past his lips as he locked his gaze on hers. She couldn't turn away, nor did she even want to. There had always been something captivating in the way Lucas Friar would look at her. Even with unclear and heavy feelings weighing down on her chest, she still felt reeled in by the way he would just place his blue eyes on her. Maya felt like she was melting, but she didn't feel like she loved him.

Maya assumed that he was about to say something, so she just looked at him, expecting him to form some kind of word in the midst of their staring competition. But he didn't. He walked over towards her and placed his arms around her, instead.

Confusion. Pain. Confusion. Warmth. Confusion. Sadness. Confusion. Content.

Her insides were twisted and guilty. There was a part of her that wanted to cling to him too – but mostly, all she ever wanted to do is to figure out what the hell is going wrong between the two of them, and just go. She was almost certain that it's what Lucas wanted to happen, too.

Slowly, her arms found their way around Lucas. He wasn't crying, nor was she. They were breathing heavily, the cold air mixing with the warmth coming from their exhales. For now, she thought that maybe this was enough to keep her holding on that knife. Maybe this was enough to keep the both of them going for just one more day.

"Lucas," She began, but she never really continued speaking anyway. She doesn't want to have this conversation right now.

His lips felt heavy on the top of her head, like he was trying his best to make himself feel that this was still right. But Maya knew how much of a failed attempt that was.

Blue oculars met hers and they stared at each other in the confines of Maya's studio apartment. Lucas' anatomy textbook lie forgotten on her study table and the paint on her hands had finally dried. It was nowhere near the way they stared at each other during their second date (a date where Maya didn't spill a smoothie on Lucas and actually enjoyed the time she had with him), but she liked to think that it was.

That's how they've been living now anyway – making something out of nothing. Thinking that there's still a sliver of spark and hope between the two of them when they're already wilting with no sunlight to help them grow.

Maya exhaled. Lucas turned around.

They slept with their backs turned against each other that night.

 **...**

Joshua Matthews was laughing like there's no tomorrow, and Maya enjoyed every single bit of the scenery in front of her. His eyes were crinkled, and his mouth was wide open. He was laughing at the portrait she made of him when he was six and had pasta coming out of his nose.

"Sometimes I hate that you're my niece's best friend, but it's amusing all the same." He spoke, and she felt like there was some kind of award she's supposed to have.

"Consider yourself blessed, Boing. You have a pretty good talented niece's-best-friend right here." She replied proudly, her chin stuck up with a wide grin.

It hit Maya that she never laughed like this when she was with Lucas. It was always a tiny smile, or a faked one for an attempt to make their conversations lighter and livelier. Though there were times when she did felt genuine happiness when she was with Lucas, it was long ago. Way too long for the both of them to even remember.

She knew that Lucas felt the same too.

Lately he was always craving Riley's attention and words. He would be distracted whenever Maya's talking to him just because he was texting Riley – and don't get her wrong, she knew what he was doing. She just never tried to stop him because there was no point, anyway. And frankly she doesn't even care if he talked to her best friend more than he talked to her.

Maybe they were always doomed to fall apart. To put themselves together under the impression that they complete each other's missing pieces, only to realize that they weren't a part of the same image.

Lucas was made to save things, to fix them up and make it seem as if they're as good as new. And Maya, she was destined to break and to crack under the pressure of the people around her. She had always been hardwired to see things in their negativity. To always believe that hope is for suckers and that if she doesn't believe enough in anything, she wouldn't get hurt.

Heads and tails. That's them. Maybe that's why they never really worked properly.

"Maya, you're spaced out." The boy in front of her had observed. And she did her best to make it seem like she was just thinking about school works.

But he knew better, and she was very well aware of that.

They never spoke about the reason why she was spacing out. Maya insisted on helping him for his architecture project which involved a perspective of his project proposal (for one of the subjects), which he reluctantly agreed to.

She went with him to different stores to buy the different materials he needed for his project, and Maya's mind was bursting with different ideas on how to put his project together. She voiced it out after they walked out of every single shop's door and Josh looked amused upon hearing her suggestions.

It made Maya happy.

Together, they worked on the project. Cutting up different pieces of plastic, gluing synthetic grass models to where it was supposed to be, placing glass above the model when it was done.

Josh stared at the beauty of their work (even though he's only going to put his name on), while Maya was looking at the beauty of the boy standing beside her. He looked happy, and that made her feel contented and weightless.

A smile was very visible on her face as she looked at Josh while he was looking at the project. She was filled with wonder as she studied every single feature on his face – from the way his lips curved to a smile, to the way his eyes crinkled as he turned from the project to Maya.

"We make a great team, Ferret."

"That we do, Boing."

"Come on, let's get you home."

When she got home, the apartment felt empty and gloomy as she opened the door to find no Lucas waiting for her by the couch. Though this was her apartment, Lucas always spent his nights here for he was often sex-iled by his roommate. Maya didn't mind one bit, though. The apartment felt empty when she's alone.

And now, she suspected that he's off somewhere with the other Matthews – just as she was with the uncle a while go. It felt heavy upon Maya to think that this is where their relationship is heading; falling apart while falling in place with another.

"Lucas isn't here?" Josh asked, peeking through the doorframe to take a look at the surroundings.

"Yeah. He's probably off somewhere with someone." Maya shrugged.

"You're okay by yourself?"

No. "Yeah."

"Alright. Thanks for the help, Maya. I honestly don't know how I'd have done it without you."

He left while Lucas was out for another two hours. She waited up for him and was close to tears when she told him how their relationship wasn't feeling right anymore.

"I know. But I don't know how to let go."

"Me either."

And so they held each other that night, fearing the events of the morning after.

 **...**

He was the first to wake, and he was waiting for her by the kitchen with a fresh cup of coffee. Maya was awaiting the dreaded break up that could happen in any minute, or any second. But Lucas didn't speak, nor did he look at her. He just stared at the open binder in front of him.

"Don't you have a class today?"

"Maya it's a Sunday."

"Oh."

Silence ensued for a few minutes before Maya had to excuse herself. She went out and called Joshua Matthews, who arrived just a few minutes after she dropped the call.

Her hands were trembling and the tears were close to flowing out of her eyelids when he got there. The first thing he did was to wrap his arms around her, and Maya did the same. Pressing herself against him with desperation to feel alright again, like he was her only goddamn anchor in this world filled with uncertainties.

"Do you still love him?" He asked, his eyes boring deep into her soul. Like they were grazing the back of her mind, coercing her into telling him the truth.

Which she did. "No. Not like that. Not anymore."

Silence.

"Then you know what you should do. Why are you prolonging it?"

Maya exhaled and loosened her grip on Josh's arm. "I don't know how to let go."

"Nobody ever does at first, Maya. But you'll learn soon enough."

 **...**

The moment she opened the door, Lucas was sitting on the couch with his head bowed down and his arms propped on his knees. He looked like he was praying. Maya didn't know he had that kind of luxury – she had always believed that no one ever prays to no one; simply because there was no one to answer those prayers.

"Lucas, we need to talk."

He smiled at her, though it was a smile of sadness. "I know what you're going to say, Maya. I just didn't expect it to end like this."

"Me too. I don't even know how we got here. You know that I'll always be a constant, right? No matter where we stand, you call me and I'm there."

"At least we're on the same page with that one. It was good while it lasted, Maya. Thanks for everything, and I'm sorry I've been neglecting you."

Maya laughed, though half-heartedly. "You don't have to apologise, Lucas. Go after her and save the world."

He stood up and placed his arms around her waist, pulling her closer and Maya revelled in the last seconds of their relationship. She felt relieved that it was over, that there wouldn't be any confusions and moments of guilt anymore.

Her arms found their way to his shoulders as his lips met hers one last time.

 _ **fin.**_

 **NOTES:** Finally fixed the problem, sorry about that. The copy and paste didn't work well the first time.


End file.
